Wednesday, April 06, 2005

The Waiting

What can u say abt a 25 yrs old girl who died?That she was beautiful and brilliant.that she loved Mozart and Bach, and the beatles and me

She loved you too. much more than her feeble voice could carry when she came out of labor and welcomed you to planet earth.

Though she could not hold you in her arms and fondle you, to see you grow into a woman so much like herself;
with a mere glance of your fragile body transfixed in her tear curtained eyes, an earful of your lachrymose self and only a soft kiss in the air to your name she breathed her last.

With her last breath, she took a part of me away too.but a part of it remained,stayed behind out of self-resolution to be with you


It was then i realised what his silence and tolerance to my mischeif and tantrums meant.it was then that the enigma of the unfathomable sadness in his eyes and guilt shrouding his face itself.The shadow of guilt was so palpable that I could almost touch it and wished fervently many a times to wipe it away but never made an attempt.

Years flew by and our roads took us away from each other.even our seldom visits brought an unnerving silence between us that soaked even the words intended like a sponge.

And many years later I got a tinkle in the middle fo the night , summoning me back home.Eventually the following morning he was laid down in a rosewood coffin;he succumbed to the inevitable end of his life in his slumber.

Along with his paraphernalia I also inherited his diary which proved everything else worthless.It had the answers to the questions i never asked about my mother he hoped I wud ask someday.The diary explictly potrayed the stirring restlessness of a soul trapped in a biological body.He was torn between his flesh and blood and his true love;
heart and soul;
His diary spanned an epic saga of true love;His love;Her love and the story of my existance--fruit of their love;

He however wanted to do justice to both of us and waited till heard his calling from the heavens above;He waited for me to liberate him from his ties with me;He waited till I drifted so far away from him that the cord of bondage finally snapped.
He waited till this moment for me to pick up his diary in which he had penned his guilt for being incompetent as father for he failed to bring me closer to my mother I never saw and as a lover , for he failed to keep his promise of following her in life and in death;

I waited too ; but it was too late, for all i have now is his holographic diary and I must confess "I have been away a long time"


VidYa

1 comment:

Aparna Kar said...

You stirred something inside me. Your words did not merely graze my heart but initiated a storm there. I just hope you post more frequent. I see in you what I have stopped showing the world. In you I hope to live